for Tiffiney

Tiffiney is my one dedicated reader to my little "secret" blog. And I m delighted she has picked me up because she 'gets' me in a big way.
So Tiffiney I want you to know that I truly appreciate all your comments; especially in regards to my funky mood the other day. You are right. He drives me nuts, but he is mine. The small ones drive me crazy but what on earth would I do without each and everyone of them. Thanks for your kind words.
As to the pregnancy thing... I took a test that was negative and then took one in the AM that was negative... which meant not to much as I have had false negatives in the past. But then I started my period the next day. So it is safe to assume I am not pregnant. Which, right now, is a good thing!
If you are not Tiffiney and you've stumbled across this blog I would encourage you to hop on over and take a look. She writes fun, light hearted good stuff. Check it out.

Its been...

I just counted. It has been 10 weeks since my last period. I am trying to convince myself that it is because I ran out of my hormone cream I have been using for about a year and so I'm just all messed up. I mentioned it to my husband the other night and the idiot is excited. I am not ready to talk about it in the "real world" but I am kind of obsessing right now.
Oh my.

yesterday I was facebooking and I had seen a High School friend talking about another High School friend to someone (if you know both people then you get to see what they say on public places like "the wall"0 and anyway. K.K. (yes she has my initials) said to someone "Mark's band is playing at such and such." and I wrote her and said "I saw your post. Mark is still playing?" It turns out Mark isnot only still playing (he played guitar in High School and had a band and so on) - and he was good) he is in a major band. Like they toured with Metallica major. Not being a metal fan I didn't know who they were but went and looked at the website and downloaded a clip of them playing on the Conan O'Brien Show and wow - in the clip they are obviously professional and big time but look like anybody else. Read the web site and they are intelligent, articulate artists (a statement not in anyway meant to insult anybody else) and it was all so neat to read about.
And of course it got me into a funk. Because Mark chased it down and is living his music and I have never reconciled with myself that I have not. I sold out.
I was always smart, artistic, and kind of pretty. I was always "full of potential." And to date I haven't done anything with all that potential. And it always pisses me off when I look at myself and face that. As much as anything I get pissed because I never really figured out what it was I was supposed to be chasing... the artist? the writer? the martial artist? the research? the what? I never committed to anything.
And then I got married.
And every frickin time something comes along that grabs my interest SAP Geek has to foul it up just enough to make sure I will choose him. Well crap - I have 5 kids and I cannot afford the mortgage. I am definitely choosing him for the next 16 years.
And while I'm putzing around in my grouchy mood he starts complaining that the house is a mess. The house is always a damn mess. I am not a house keeper. I hate keeping house. I would rather shovel manure.
and I am reminded of Glenn Close in "101 Dalmations" when she says to Anita "More good women have been lost to marriage and children than in all the wars and famines put together." Or something like that. I thought that was hysterically funny in college. I had no intention of getting married any time soon.
I graduated in 1994 and was married in 1996 and for the life of me I'm still not exactly sure why.

Family Shmamily

So... this here is a vent about my Auntie C. Auntie C. married my Uncle Blue in the 80's on my brother's birthday. We had to travel home from Spain for the wedding which puts me at about 4th grade at the time. So lets say I was 9.

background:
My Uncle Blue is my Daddy's youngest brother - Daddy got married early and Uncle Blue is maybe 4, maybe 6 years younger than Daddy. Not sure. Auntie C is 12 years older than me. Didn't know her much until Daddy died. Daddy died in 1986. Uncle Blue is my godfather - it says so on my baptismal certificate; I doubt he remembers. I cannot remember anything godfather-ish he has ever done.

Uncle Blue and Auntie C live in this town that I live in. We moved her a year after Daddy's death.

I was at a Preschool meeting (actually that damn auction I've written about once or twice) and Amy is drinking wine and working away on tags and suddenly looks up and says "There was a neighborhood block party two weeks ago. I saw your Auntie C. I said hi and then when I mentioned that I know you she actually turned around and walked away."
A few other ladies in the room look up. I cough on my wine and say "really?" and Amy says, "yeah really. I thought it was a little odd."
I can not help myself and I actually start laughing.
"Yes I say. Odd is a good word. It is all that 'family stuff.' My sister got married this summer and her reception coincided with the family reunion that Uncle Blue had planned. Uncle Blue wouldn't move it a bit. So my sister had her reception on a Friday and Uncle Blue and gang left the state on that Friday to drive to the family reunion in PA. We know because he came to my house for dinner on Thursday. Auntie C didn't come because she was at a self defense class. It has been a little weird since then."

I think I should write a book about these people. I could use actual facts and if they tried to sue me for libel I'd tell them they have to prove they are who I say they are and the publicity would be huge - never mind the chance to let the world know what creeps I'm 'related to.' I always remind Auntie C that I was "born in" and she married in and I've been here longer.

Caught with my pants down... So to speak

Okay -
I live in one of those hoity toity neighborhoods (I KNOW you never would have guessed!) where there are ridiculously over sized houses with fancy furniture and never a child's toy out of place or dog fur on the floor. I am the "token interesting person" there is always dog fur on everything; my kids, bless them, leave a trail everywhere they go, there is a mountain of school papers and artwork permanently attached to the top of my kitchen counter and I myself am more often than not a bit of a mess. Today for instance I didn't shower. It was cold. We are barely heating our house due to the price of electric heat and it just didn't seem worth the bother.
My size two, blonde ponytailed neighbor, wife to the soccer hottie I had a crush on in High School, showed up at the door unannounced: big pot of scraps for the compost heap sitting on the counter, glass of wine from last night (another story) coffee mugs, the two year old has scattered all her baby accessories (toy bibs, toy bottles, toy baby clothes) the three year old has markers on everything and I've got a yard of fleece on the table with a pattern half pinned...
The trophy wife is gracious as ever but still. Damn it. I hate looking like such a mess all the time!

Main Street BLues

Me Too.

So... SAP Geek didn't get a big contract he was really hoping to land.  He was one more sales pitch to offer the last current bite on his fishing line and that is the end of his list.  He is already talking with his partners who will get laid off first and what the order will be.  He is sick about it and loosing serious sleep.  

It seems we are in good company:

CNN Money

9 or so...

So I ought to go count up days but I'm writing already so I'm just going to have to guess...

9 I think...

I read in Cookie Magazine - which I am not sure why I get btw, it just started showing up one day - all sorts of sad statistics regarding married couples and their sex life after children.  Hmmm... very sad.  The good thing is that I realize while my husband would claim that there is no such thing as enough sex, for the amount of days he is actually in the same state I am in, he is doing very well.  

But at some point in the article the writer challenged the readers to a week of sex every night.  I actually laughed out loud.  This is a challenge???  So I wrote my dearest an email (he was out of state - shocker) and let him know that we'd been challenged.  He is a competitive kind of guy and he was traveling home that night.  I don't think I have ever received so many phone calls and emails from him though.  He was quite anxious to verify that he had read his email correctly and I was asking him for 7 consecutive days of sex.  He was very interested in all the statistics in the article.  He was even more interested in the two couples who committed to a year of sex every night and wrote books about them.  

I put the kids to bed, dug up some old hot pink lacy thing with a thong and covered it up with an equally old black silk robe and set to work cleaning up the kitchen.

He came in and gave me a kiss and I sent him off to A.) shave and B.) do something about the hamburger and onion I could smell on his breath.  UGH!  He complied with both requests and that was night one.

Night two I had a school meeting that ran until almost 11 o'clock.  I got home at 11:30 and ran into the house... he had candles in the bed room and a bottle of wine and glasses waiting but never mind that - we had 30 minutes to meet our second day of the challenge.

And we did meet the week challenge and it was fun and the sex did add a closeness and flirtatiousness that has been lacking over the last few years.  But somehow Halloween and an October 29th Birthday and a November 1st Birthday and general fatigue of the busy life of parents of small kids took over and we sort of fell off the bandwagon.  I mentioned it to him today at work and he has decided that we are starting over and going for the full 365.  Uh huh.  He is working late tonight and then the next out of town trip is just around the corner.  

So what can I say?  A week was fun, and I recommend it.  And I think it is funny that the person who was too tired and too busy wasn't me :-)